Finding Solace In The Great Unknown
If I told you I find beauty in the things I don’t know, the things I can’t control – I’d be utterly lying.
I have this obsession with attention to detail, planning, making schedules, following through with schedules, and executing every second of my day with flawless precision. I’m an event planner, both in my personal life and my professional life. I am allergic to change, in the sense that my body will go through something I can’t even describe—depression? anxiety? panic?—whenever an unexpected turn of events happens.
Much like most of the people in this world, my life has never run as smoothly as I would have pictured. Having control over something that is 100% my own (aka life) gives me closure that I can, well, control the good and the bad, and when it decides to affect me. However, that’s never the case. As much as one may feel “in command” of his or her life, there’s always that event that comes and bites you out of nowhere, that makes you break apart when you [thought] you had so carefully secured all your little pieces together.
The challenge of being a pessimistic life planner is truly finding the light in the things I cannot change, the questions I don’t have answers to, the future I am unable to predict. I thrive off of knowing the next step, so imagine my frustration when I simply do not know what to say or do.
Yet, I have faith that I one day will naturally be able to find the beauty in those open-ended questions, instead of having to force myself to think that way.
Today, I woke with the news of a death in my family, and it led me to thinking, What comes next? The family here on earth is plagued with pain and heartbreak, and time will cure those feelings, but what about the one who left for that great unknown?
We view death in such a dark and furious light, scolding whichever higher power for taking a loved one from us too soon. Yet—shouldn’t it be seen as something more beautiful than that? Death makes you grateful to have those little flaws in your life, because above all, you are alive and you are well. It makes you realign your priorities and place family and love over those miniscule things that steal your attention every day. Death allows you to bring your focus back to that one deserving individual and celebrate every aspect of his or her life. Yes, you’re sad they’re gone, and you may be unable to make it through a day without thinking of them, but know that they are truly in a happier, more fortunate place.
While I don’t know if heaven exists, or if the afterlife is a tornado of memories, I do know that it’s a place where one is cured of pain and negativity. If you’re reading this, you’re living in a place where watching the news is more terrifying than watching a horror film. You’re walking down the street never knowing who’s watching you and what they’re thinking. You’re taking a chance with every breath and/or step you take.
Every one of us is dealing with pain and suffering in one way or another – whether it’s a medical condition or disease, a loss of a job, a home that is no longer your safe haven, and more. If we truly wish the best for one another, we should be grateful when it’s one person’s time to leave the earth, for he or she will no longer be hurting and will be celebrated for all they’ve accomplished. While they were here, you saw them at their highest and lowest points, but know that death has a way of highlighting their strongest moments, in hopes that you will never forget how much of a fighter he or she was.
There are so many wonders in this world that I will never understand, but I believe that being able to find the positives in the unknown and welcome change with open arms is a true test of inner strength. One day, I’ll become this strong, and I’ll find comfort in what cannot be controlled.
“People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad…It’s triumphant. It’s heroic. Isn’t that the real heroism?”